My husband earned less than me for a decade, so I paid more for our expenses. I want him to reimburse me
My husband and I have been married for 19 years. In the first decade our income was comparable and we were contributing equally to our expenses without setting up much for a rainy day. I built three houses, all paid for, and I hid money for our children’s 529 projects.
In 2012, I started earning more than my husband. We decided to split the expenses according to our income. My husband’s salary has increased considerably since then, although he still earns less than I do. I told him to pay more until my extra share is paid because I know he can afford it now.
The Argentist: I am 24 years old and I am dating a 64 year old man. He wanted to get married, but I found out that he had never been divorced. Have I been ripped off?
He gives me a fixed amount for expenses, saves the rest of his money, and expects me to pay all other expenses. I didn’t even add interest, just the initial expense. It has become a major issue in our relationship. Otherwise, we are happy in marriage.
Am I being unreasonable for asking him to foot the bill and use his savings to reimburse me for the extra money I have contributed to our way of life?
Spouse in distress
The Argentist:“I feel very bitter”: my late father gave my sister a power of attorney. She kept $ 100,000 of her savings. Should I take legal action?
Until the debt repayments do us part.
It’s not the kind of vow you usually hear at weddings, and for good reason. It would amaze the guests. You have entered into a partnership with the man you love, where you both contribute to your future and the education of your children. You do this in the hope that one day you can both look back on your life, and maybe enjoy your grandchildren, and feel the warmth of your memories of many years of marriage. I don’t think any of you signed up for an accountant marriage.
Counting every penny and keeping a record disrespects your husband, demeans your marriage, and turns your commitment to love, honor and respect each other into a sordid business deal. You are the village trader, and your husband is an unhappy customer who accumulates a tab over the years. Every time he walks into the store looking for a loaf of bread and a quart of milk, you lick the top of your pencil and studiously add it to his bill.
The Argentist: My wife and I live with my dying mother. My brothers and I will inherit his house. Should I ask him to sell it and move in with me?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with an arrangement where you both pool a percentage of your income for personal savings, joint savings, your life together, and your children’s future. I want to be very clear on this. But asking your husband to repay the money you contributed to your children’s 529 projects and homes because he earned less than you robs you both of the joy of creating a life together with love and support. unconditional.
Your question goes beyond your relationship. I suspect that this urge to count every bean has its roots in your childhood. I have a few questions for you: Did you feel abused as a child? Did your parents fight for money? Did one of your parents pay for everything while the other parent deserted your family or took no responsibility for anything?
I’m hanging on to the straws here, obviously. The problem has nothing to do with money. Your husband is not cheating on you.
You are wrong.
Read The Moneyist’s letter archive here.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at firstname.lastname@example.org
Hello, MarketWatchers. To verifythe private Facebook Facebook Moneyist,
group where we seek answers to life’s thorniest money problems. Readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.